Randy: I remember Kait coming home from doing a wedding (photographer) a few years ago and telling me about being bothered by one of the children in the family. It appeared that the young girl had some sort of cancer. I guess it's pertinent that Kait was and is a very talented photographer, and in her previous life actually did more than just take pictures of our smiling children. I don't remember exactly when it was, but it was after Ethan was born because we talked about how much it bothered her to see a young person (I believe this girl was between 10-13 yrs) and then imagine it being our child. (foreshadowing)
I know...this almost seems made up....but it really happened. She brought it up last week and I had honestly forgotten about it. We were discussing the reasons why it's so tough to raise awareness, why it can be so difficult to get people outside of the inner circle of close friends and family to do more than like a status on facebook. When Kait told that story and we talked about it it all made sense that in many cases it's just too difficult to face as a parent. The idea of imagining your innocent little baby with something this awful can be a bit overwhelming and make you lose a bit of sleep. It's just easy to say "not my child".
Over the past few months we've definitely seen the best that exists in our society. From people making financial contributions that we know don't have the extra money to do so, fundraisers where businesses forgo profits to help our family, to people just offering time to help watch our kids so we could enjoy a night to regain our sanity. It would also be safe to say that we have seen our fair share of friends abandon us, people we've known for many years never reach out at all, and even some family members have distanced themselves from the reality of this situation. I think for those people it's just too difficult to expose yourself to the thought that this could happen to your own little angel.
What's the point of all of this? I honestly don't know, but we have to find a way to get those with their fingers in their ears and eyes closed to open up and see this reality. Children are dying....everyday...and the ones that survive are left with long term side effects. The pictures of cute bald kids smiling with a stuffed animal and a balloon isn't a reality. If anything they do a disservice to how brutal these treatments are. The Aflac Cancer Center is an inspiring place with an amazing staff and the strongest people you will ever meet, but it's also a depressing place. You watch young children with the life sucked out of them, parents walking around like zombies...and it's always full (there are about 50 rooms between the BMT and hematology/oncology wings). It's a place where hope and optimism can turn into anger, pain and despair. We have tried to share the good and bad of our journey so far, but we have so far to go to bring the reality of this struggle to the mainstream where it needs to be.
No it's not your child...and it's really disturbing to imagine it being your child....but
It's wasn't our child either....
Great post!!!
ReplyDeleteI suspect those that have abandoned your family do so because 'it won't happen in their family..to their child..OR they just plain don't know how too reach out, what too say, what too do..where to begin..I am so grateful for those friends of yours that have stuck to you like glue and will be there for you through this entire 'rough' spot.
I praise you and Kait to the highest..you've been incredible open and shared..and via this, I think you've also helped raise awareness for other Pediatric cases that were maybe abandoned by friends etc.
Good work..God Bless you and your family..You're all amazing!!!
A stranger is a friend you haven't met..or barely know,
Dianne
You two are amazing. So many people hear that someone in your family has Cancer and they just don't know what to say. It is heart-wrenching for some to imagine what they can say or do to help.
ReplyDeleteWhat people don't realize is that the MORE ATTENTION WE AIM TO THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE the less people will die. When you open your eyes and realize if we pinpoint our attention (like a sniper people!!) we will defeat this disease.
Thank you for sharing your joy, your pain and your journey.
Randy, I agree with you. Parents don't want to think of this happening to their kids. However, I also think that people, like myself, have gone day to day, year by year, and just not thought about it in general. Maybe due to lack of visible awareness? I can say that until November, I had never thought about the possibility of any of my boys having cancer. Sure, there is that occasional thought of something "happening" to them, but I never thought about cancer. So I don't think it is a total mindset that people say, "not my child". I think it is just that people don't see it on a daily basis, or only hear about it on 'rare' occasions. It isn't thrust into their faces where they are forced to pay attention. In other words out of sight, out of mind. And I agree that is not how it should be. The more awareness that is out there, the more people will stop and think about it. Until Nov, I had not known anyone personally who had pediatric cancer. I knew it existed obviously, but had no idea just how bad it really is, or how many children are dying every day from it. I thank you for bringing that to my attention! Now, I think about it a lot! Especially because I also have a 4yo son and to imagine what you must be going through, breaks my heart! So I commend you and Kait on your quest to raise awareness. I will do whatever I can, no matter how little it might be, to help in that crusade.
ReplyDelete~Melissa