Out of the past fourteen days, Jake has been in the hospital eleven of them. The last three of these days he was in isolation, meaning he couldn't leave the room for any reason. My wonderful husband ended up staying with Jake during the isolation days and it's easy to say that we hope those days are few and far between. There is no way to guess or anticipate when or how often Jake will be sick in the hospital in addition to his chemotherapy and that is a major wake-up call for me. I am the type of person that likes to plan and schedule things and when the plans get changed without my approval I feel anxious and stressed. I'm starting to realize that this personality trait is not conducive to cancer fighting. Randy is always saying "control what we can control," and the truth of this statement is applicable to every part of our lives. Not just getting to scheduled appointments, treatments, and obligations for Jake as well as Ethan and Aubrey, but really in everything we do. From getting up in the morning after sleeping through the alarm to remembering to feed the dogs and change the kitty litter. I'm starting to wonder, "Can I control anything??" I didn't think I was a control freak, but losing control of things is making me want to hang onto whatever control I can get my hands on. It's mentally draining sometimes.
I despise being pessimistic and sometimes that can translate to being unrealistic, but with Randy countering my optimism with a dose of reality I think we are doing a decent job of making it through. Whew...sorry, that was a confusing sentence. Anyway, my plans from now going forward is to have a hospital bag packed for me so that I don't get to the hospital and realize I didn't bring a brush, toothbrush, pajamas, or a change of pants. Extra pants are essential for when I get spilled/peed on. My Aunt Cathy suggested early on to pack a fun bag for Jake and that has been a huge help.
Finally getting to the title of this post- today has been a good day! And, I'm thankful for that! Jake played all day, ate without much prodding, and laughed. What a beautiful sound to hear my baby being happy. I'll bend and change and do whatever it takes to continue to hear that sound.
You are so righ.
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