Walking along and...Slap!

Kait:
We're moving along in life, enjoying a beautiful day and, believe it or not, the fact that Jake had cancer is fading to the background.  Can it be possible to not think about cancer every second of every day?  Well, apparently it is possible to move forward with everyday tasks and activities.  We can actually go out in public without being stared at with "sad eyes".  Like today for instance, the kids are out of school for President's Day so we slept in, ate breakfast, and played a little.  Jake had a physical therapy appointment at 11am and we grabbed some lunch after at a new Mexican restaurant in town.  It's just me and the three kids since Randy, unfortunately, did not get the day off school.  Our kids are 2, 4, and 6 years old so you can imagine we are like a traveling circus everywhere we go.  Aubrey refused to sit in the highchair so a good compromise was to let her sit next to me in the booth.  To her this means jumping up and down and singing at the top of her lungs.  Jake ordered chicken nuggets...yes, at the Mexican restaurant.  He refuses to touch them and proceeds to eat cheese dip likes its water.  Ethan, the oldest, inhales eats his taco like a good boy.  In the midst of normal conversation, Ethan says, "Well, it's almost time for Jake to go to the hospital again.  The doctor said he has to go back every three months and March will be three months since he's been."  And there cancer goes, slapping me in the face again.  Yes, Jake is due for his six month post treatment scans on March 6, 2014, this is not news to me.  However, it is shocking to me that a six year old would be keeping track of this.  Instead of thinking about the next holiday or birthday he is thinking about his brother having to go to the hospital.  It makes me so mad that cancer keeps rearing its ugly head.  I want to scream, "Get out of our lives!  Get our of our minds!  You are not welcome here."  People tell me that it gets easier as time goes by, but I honestly feel that cancer will always be a part of our lives in one way or another.  I hope that eventually I will not be so emotional about it.  As of now everything I see about childhood cancer brings me to tears.  Doesn't matter if it's good, like a Make-a-Wish being granted or bad, like a child dying.  Everything that has to do with cancer is emotional.  Cancer is so evil, I can actually imagine it having a face with a look of malice.  Always trying to cause pain. 

Anyway, I have to get over the fact that I can't protect my kids from everything.  It's probably best to involve Ethan in Jake's appointments rather than hoping he'll be in ignorant bliss.  Obviously, he knows what's up and he is far from ignorant.  As far as Jake's healing progress, he is doing amazingly well.  We saw his surgeon on 2/4/14 and he was so pleased.  He said that we couldn't ask for better and that Jake is free to do any activities he would like.   He can be an active little boy again!  Jake's tibia has grown enough on both ends that if he were to break a screw or have a complication, the Dr would be able to fix it.  We know that there's a good chance Jake might break something in that leg someday and we are okay with it.  We refuse to limit him - we will never tell him "you can't" when he's been given this second chance at life.  At physical therapy, his wonderful PTs have been working hard to help Jake walk straight and without a limp.  He is gaining strength and is really starting to trust his left leg.  When he walks slowly you wouldn't even know that he had major surgery. 

[Click below to see a video of Jake walking.]

Post by Jake's fight against Ewing's sarcoma.

Randy is going to run his first marathon in March and is raising money in Jake's name for the Rally Foundation for childhood cancer research.  If you have even a dollar to spare, would you consider donating?

https://www.rallyfoundation.org/run/half-marathon-training/publix-georgia-half-marathon-marathon/rally-for-jake-randy-Russell
 

I am very thankful for where we are in life, but, most of the time it is hard to believe that this is our life.  I was thinking the other day that I wish I could go back to when Ethan was a baby so I could know what it felt like to hold him once again.  Then I thought to myself, would I be willing to relive the past year and a half just to experience holding my first born again?  God forgive me, but nothing would be worth going through cancer treatment again.  N.o.t.h.i.n.g. 

I know that there will be times like today where cancer and Jake's journey will jump to the forefront of my mind.  I will accept whatever comes our way, help others as we can, raise awareness for childhood cancer, and thank God every single day that our traveling circus is as noisy as ever.